Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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