Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
