You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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