Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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