That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
