Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i came on her dog
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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