6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
