pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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