Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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