I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
