He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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