she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
