How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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