I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
