I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
