you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
