She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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