Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
