So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
