you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
