Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
