I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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