Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
