Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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