when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
