Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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