Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
