You really coming over, don't trick.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
