Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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