Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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