and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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