Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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