I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
