She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just had sex on a roof
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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