I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
