So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
