I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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