His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
