What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
