I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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