is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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