I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
there is glitter all over my balls
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
