He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
