My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
