her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was not drunk enough for that final.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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