She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
