You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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