Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
