wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
