Rock
Scissors
Fuck
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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