I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
